Internal Angst of the Uncontrollable

For a while I have been thinking of a way to talk about the internal angst that many people have been experiencing with the political environment we are currently in. I am not doing this to become political or to point out my views but to shed light on something people have been ignoring or making fun of. Many people are upset about the current president and some of the things he has done. I continue to see memes and articles by politicians stating “accept that your candidate didn’t win and move on.” But the problem for many people is that this is not the issue at hand. Yes, many people saw Hillary Clinton as a move forward for women’s rights, continued insurance coverage and many other things but not everyone who is upset felt strongly for Hillary. I actually see 5 different camps affected: 1. Those passionate about their candidate and he/she did not win (doesn’t have to be Clinton) 2. Those that didn’t feel strongly about a specific candidate but didn’t want Trump 3. Those that didn’t want Clinton so they voted for Trump or third party 4. Those who didn’t vote but currently wished they had 5. Those that did vote for Trump and have voter’s remorse (this could include some from 3).

What people are experiencing is real. This internal angst may lead to feelings of anxiety or depression, insomnia, weight loss, abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting, headaches, and even elevated blood pressure for some people. I see it as similar to a grieving process or even, in severe cases, adjustment disorder. This internal angst comes over the person due to this feeling of dread that has developed over what might happen to them, their family, their friends, and the world as a whole. You have no control over what the president decides to do and he has been making some interesting choices that affect many people. This sensation of losing control is now showing itself as physical and emotional distress. So when I hear someone say to get over it, I just want to scream. You don’t tell someone who lost a family member or went through a divorce that they have to suck it up and accept life as it is. We allow people to grieve and heal. The only difference is in those situations the pain and feelings will recede as time passes from the event, while this event may continue for as long as Trump is President with more feelings of control loss.

‘Sucking it up’ is not the answer. But accepting the situation and dealing with our emotions can help prevent these emotional and physical conditions that this situation is causing in people. Recently I had a social media back and forth with someone over transgender boys in the Boy Scouts. During our brief interaction this person told me to go back to my ‘la la land.’ I spent many years volunteering and working with the Boy Scouts of America and had a different opinion than this person due to my experiences. When I read the response she sent, I started to have deep chest discomfort (if you have experienced it, you know what I mean) and was irritated. I took a moment to meditate, gave myself some time and read her response in a more neutral way. What I gathered was nothing will change her mind due to her different life experiences. But the thing that caused my reaction was that she judged me as being naïve and having no knowledge of the situation. My response was civil, explaining that her experiences were important to develop her beliefs but I, too, have my own experiences to base my beliefs and we can agree to disagree. I was saddened to see she deleted her string of responses.

I use this example to show that all things out there causing issues are not always political either. Also, I could have internalized that frustration but instead I took a moment for myself, looked at everything in a rational way, and responded. The interaction could have turned horribly wrong very quickly if I let the other person’s judgmental statement eat at me and then respond. Social media allows us to hide behind our keyboards so we say things we may not have said to someone’s face. I wish everyone would read their comments out loud as if they were saying it to someone in front of them before sending it out in the internet world. If more people did this, we probably wouldn’t see as much hate.

An example of this recently came from a Facebook friend who after reading “Lena Dunham: Trump’s election victory made me lose weight” commented with “What an idiot!” I was taken aback since earlier in my feed she had responded to “Lady Gaga’s fans fire back after some mock her ‘gut’” with “I think she looked great and did a great job! People need to just stop hating!” I was confused. I guess we are only supposed to hate in certain situations? The thing is this is a woman I know to be a very loving person who would do anything for a friend. But because Lena Dunham had issues with the loss of her candidate that lead to weight loss, she has the right to call her an idiot? Why are we judging people because we don’t understand what they are going through? I have no doubt this was very stressful for Lena Dunham since she was a huge supporter of Hillary Clinton. She had to grieve this loss and move forward and during that time she had to deal with the emotional blows she experienced. I am not sure why we feel it is fine to minimize or mock someone’s pain or beliefs. Ms Dunham may have experienced symptoms of depression during this time and instead of being supportive people want to tear her down further.

I can’t say I am perfect in any way but I try my best. I just hope others start looking at what they do and ask themselves “if the things I write were about me, would I appreciate it.” We can give constructive criticism but to just be mean is not needed. There is enough hate in the world. We don’t need to continue it. That said I hope that this Facebook friend doesn’t read this and unfriend me while telling people that someone she thought was a friend turned on her. I hope she takes this as constructive criticism and not that I am picking on her (because that is not the case).

So what can we do? First, try not to judge others since we do not know what others are going through. Second, acknowledge you may have a problem if any of this rings true to you about the stress of the uncontrollable. I think most people dealing with this realize it might be causing emotional and physical problems in their lives but maybe not. If you feel it has gotten bad, consult your doctor. Otherwise you can pick up a few habits that may help you deal with this internal angst. When I had my experience with social media I did a 3 minute meditation. It starts with breathing in and out 5-6 times and focusing on that breath. Then think about someone who loves you and how that love makes you feel. Let that feeling wash over you while you meditate. Another great meditation is to take about 10-20 minutes in a comfortable position (but not too comfortable or you may fall asleep) and just focus on your breath in and out. Don’t take big breaths. Focus on your normal breathing and either count your breaths or mentally state in-out or inhalation-exhalation. If thoughts come to your mind while doing this, acknowledge the thought and release it without judging the thought. Some people like to visualize the thought floating away in a balloon. Let yourself go back to your breaths and continue until the time is up. This allows you to acknowledge your issues in a nonjudgmental way and release them for the time to be present (relax). This is especially helpful when your thoughts are about things you can’t change anyway because they are out of your control but continue to show up in your mind. 

Putting yourself in the moment (mindfulness) instead of ruminating about the past or fear about the future is the goal of these meditations. We cannot foresee the future so worrying about it without doing something about it doesn’t help anyone. I always love the statement –‘worrying is like a rocking chair… It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.’ If you are feeling so overwhelmed by everything that is happening in the world, meditation may be a place to start.