Seasonal Affective Disorder can affect anyone

For as long as I can remember I have had the ‘winter blues.’ I always blamed it on the dark days and the commercialism of the holidays. Usually by early spring when the flowers are starting to bloom I feel back to my normal self but from about November until March I just feel off. For years I have just accepted it but in 2015 I realized it was worse than normal.

In December 2014 I found myself easily irritated while driving (aka road rage). Nothing extreme occurred but I would yell at drivers for things that normally didn’t bother me. I even had one person at work ask me if I was OK since I wasn’t acting like my normal self. I blew it off as my normal winter blues and some stress with boards coming up. Every 10 years to remain board certified in my specialty I take a one day test which can be extremely stressful. So I had reasons to be stressed and I minimized my issues. Then in January on my first and only trip to Hawaii I found myself unable to truly enjoy the experience and relax. I was in paradise with my loving husband but could not appreciate it. I felt disconnected from the situation. Once again, I blamed stress and tried to ignore the issues.

Finally about a month later after many frustrating drives around town yelling at people, finding myself wanting to eat every sweet, bread, and cracker  I could get my hands on, and just being an irritable butt I had a conversation with a friend that made me stop and really think about my situation. I explained to her about feeling down and how every year I get this way but this year is worse. She asked me if I considered taking anything. My response to this was, “I’m not suicidal or anything.” It took a moment for me to realize that I was willing to let myself get so down and out that being suicidal was my cut off point to get help. That is messed up! I am a doctor and treat people on a regular basis with depression, seasonal affective disorder and many other mood concerns yet I was allowing myself to get so depressed that I wouldn’t seek treatment until I wanted out. That is messed up.

I am not sharing this to receive pity or have people worry about me. I figure that if a well-educated, fairly well balanced person who tries to take care of herself can get to this point, I’m not the only one out there. I want others to know you are not alone. We all have issues we have to deal with and sometimes help is needed even if you think you have it all together. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Don’t wait until you get so far down that you might not make it back up.

After that conversation I made an appointment with a fellow Family Physician and was put on Wellbutrin. A week later on my way to work I noticed that my irritability was less and a week after that I no longer yelled at people while driving. I should have sought help a long time before but at least I did.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is more common in the winter but can happen in the summer. If you find yourself getting down at a certain time of year a couple of years in a row, then you may suffer. You may want to sleep more and have less energy but for me at least it was more the irritability and carb craving. You may even feel more sensitivity to rejection that normally wouldn’t affect you. You may feel like your arms or legs are just heavy and you can’t move them normally or it takes too much energy to move. You may just feel drained or off. You may function successfully but not to the level that you normally do.

Medications are available and are only needed during those months where you are usually affected. That was the direction I turned to initially. Light therapy is available and can be bought online. Since the days are shorter, having that boost of light first thing in the morning can help stimulate your mood. My light sits on the kitchen table and is on while I eat breakfast every morning. No evidence exists to say the Himalayan Salt Lamp works but you may find this if you search for treatment options. Low vitamin D may play a role which makes sense logically considering the shorter days so taking vitamin D may help. I started practicing Mindfulness after that experience and have a lamp that I use daily that has helped immensely.  Before starting anything it is good to discuss this with your physician to see which approach is best for you if you are having any of these symptoms.